Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
