Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize