Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
