mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
