Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
