I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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