Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
