You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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