ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
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I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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