I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
