Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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