Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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