Apparently you make a good broom.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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