Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hippo gnu deer
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
