Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
