a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
