Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
