Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
