you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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