Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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