my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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