So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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