well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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