I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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