Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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