And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
