i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
