dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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