i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pants are for mortals
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
