i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
