I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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