she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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