her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
how does that bad decision feel?
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