my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
