I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
