The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
