i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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