Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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