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Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
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