Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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