I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
pray to the hookup gods
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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