So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
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