The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug