Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis

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(410): View more from Maryland

She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.

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(480): View more from Arizona

my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station

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(802): View more from Vermont

Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.

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(415): View more from California

I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms

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(716): View more from New York

Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.

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