her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread