Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy