Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.

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  (734): I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue. http://tfl.nu/xccr
  Replies (8) Good night (1034) Bad night (3227)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"

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  (610): my new favorite insult= "thundercunt" http://tfl.nu/7c82
  Replies (48) Good night (4236) Bad night (741)
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  (805): View more from California

  Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.

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  (805): Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win. http://tfl.nu/velv
  Replies (25) Good night (5508) Bad night (1165)
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  (646): View more from New York

  He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.

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  (646): He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was. http://tfl.nu/uwpx
  Replies (24) Good night (1139) Bad night (5773)
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  (209): View more from California

  I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.

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  (209): I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that. http://tfl.nu/8ygm
  Replies (3) Good night (2468) Bad night (928)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.

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  (785): Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini. http://tfl.nu/90ss
  Replies (10) Good night (3404) Bad night (688)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed

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  (404): The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed http://tfl.nu/y06v
  Replies (10) Good night (3004) Bad night (863)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.

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  (914): He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/pgtg
  Replies (3) Good night (2049) Bad night (612)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring

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  (201): hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring http://tfl.nu/45rz
  Replies (3) Good night (576) Bad night (400)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go

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  (919): I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go http://tfl.nu/j7ma
  Replies (4) Good night (608) Bad night (283)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer

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  (954): Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer http://tfl.nu/9id9
  Replies (3) Good night (938) Bad night (317)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.

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  (708): You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat. http://tfl.nu/s6dc
  Replies (1) Good night (438) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.

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  (773): Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine. http://tfl.nu/87vg
  Replies (4) Good night (362) Bad night (731)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins

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  (+44): I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins http://tfl.nu/rxpk
  Replies (5) Good night (498) Bad night (302)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you

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  (814): I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you http://tfl.nu/g34j
  Replies (1) Good night (828) Bad night (236)

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