One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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