It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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