I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
