So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
