I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
