smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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