I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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