We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have tasted many bathrooms
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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