____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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