So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
