it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
