Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
