when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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