one might say we're banned from that church
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
